Me too!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
BRING THE BAGELS
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
