All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
