So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
