I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
