if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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