A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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