i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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