How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
