That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
