How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I want a musical about memes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
