i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
