i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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