yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just googled if crying burns calories
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
