peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How's work?
Spinning.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
