We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
