But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
