All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
