I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
