She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
