I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
