Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
