I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
