Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
