Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
