I'll bet she douches with gravy.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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