i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
