we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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