That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
