You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
