anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
