I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
