turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
