I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
