shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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