she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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