you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
