Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
