Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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