His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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