you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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