Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
