Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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