I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
