Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
