You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
