My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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