I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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