Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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