Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need water and some morals
Randomize
