I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
