"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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