I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
