Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
