based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
