too bad you live with your parents still
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
