I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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