His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
