I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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