Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize