Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize