I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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