i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
