I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
