so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
