My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
