Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
