he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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