Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
