Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
