i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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