I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
