the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
