420 ftw
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
