guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
