Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
