his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
